Tax-dodger, total todger,

Misogynistic, dipstick lodger,


Pancake-tosser, big space hopper,

Since when was I hired to be your post-mess mopper?


Self-promoter, floater voter,

Go to hell and stuff your rota,


Backstabber, snake and ladder,

Let’s not forget ‘cafetiere-nabber’,


Bedside grazer, big girl’s blazer,

When last you were slim, I had a Motorola Razr,


Fat controller, ham joint-roller,

You gimme more grief than an aching molar,


Barefaced liar, 2nd floor-climber

Poison Ivy, two-times two-timer,


Infuriator, Master Baiter,

Hot rod-prodding agitator,


Lord of the Manor, private plotter,

Fetishistic fascist, fat shit rotter,


Fiction writer, tacky-tie hoarder,

Penny-pinching, mean marauder,


Suitable banker, ball-less wanker,

Can you blame me for such rancour?


You probably will, but I wont letcha,

Mr. Cinders, I’m out to getcha!